


No More Bad Nights

by FuturePSotUS



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:59:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7564615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FuturePSotUS/pseuds/FuturePSotUS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Jack has bad nights where his mind ruins his sleep. What happens when he accidentally finds out that Bitty makes the night easier?</p>
            </blockquote>





	No More Bad Nights

Tacky sweat clung to his brow and at the back of his neck uncomfortably. Ultimately, it’s the feeling of physical discomfort that wakes him fully. Lying on his back with one hand pressed tightly over his eyes he assess the situation. The nightmare’s already passed and honestly, Jack can’t remember what it was about even. These days he only rarely remembers details, in place of vivid ‘memories’ of all the things he fucks up in dreams now he only has a lingering sense of wrongness. It’s an improvement and it isn’t.

He won’t be able to settle enough for more sleep tonight in any case. But he needs it, they’re approaching the start of the season, so tries anyway for a long, stressful half hour before giving up. There’s a paper due next month he can start. Jack pushes the covers off and swings his legs out of bed, his feet touch the cool wood and the feeling grounds him. A cool glass of water will likely feel just as nice and he’s on a mission to get one from the kitchen when he notices a weak light shining from the crack under Bitty’s door.

Company may actually be nicer than sitting alone in his room and Jack, thanks to hours and day and weeks and months of therapy is now able to admit (to himself at least) that Bitty’s company would feel especially welcome. They’d texted over the summer holiday and now they’re in a class together and the small, Southern baker has grown on him in ways that last year he never would have considered. They’re friends he thinks. He’d call Bitty a friend at least.

He knocks quietly, but Bitty doesn't answer and maybe, Jack thinks, maybe he's got headphones in because Bitty loves to listen to music. So Jack cracks the door open and sticks his head in and... he sucks in a breath. Bitty's passed out on top of the covers, surrounded by papers and books, Beyonce playing loudly from his headphones (and yes, Jack knows who Beyonce is now), with his bedside light on. He’s wearing a tiny, well worn pair of cotton running shorts and a white sleeveless tee that reads PART OF THE HIVE in block letters. Jack has to breathe in and out five times and shake his head once before he can creep into the room. He pulls the door behind him but it’s not until he lets go of the knob that he realizes what he’s done. He has no idea why he's come in or shut the door but he has and it feels like opening it again will only highlight that closing it was a stupid decision in the first place.

_Ceci n'est pas bizarre_ , he tells himself sternly. Bittle's a friend. A good friend. They are definitely friends and it's a friendly thing to do to make sure that he gets a good night's sleep.

He carefully clears the bed of all of Bitty's schoolwork and puts everything in orderly piles on the desk- handouts, books, notes, and worksheets. He turns the music off and plugs Bitty's phone in so it won't be dead in the morning. Bitty's already in what Jack thinks passes for pajamas so instead of worrying about his clothes he sort of rolls him to one side and then the other so he can work him under the covers. Along the way he wonders how Bitty's such a sound sleeper. He’s thankful for it though because he has no idea why he’s even bothering to do any of this and if Bittle woke up right now Jack would probably jump out the window just to avoiding explaining any of it.

It's quiet in the Haus and already Jack's feeling a lot calmer and maybe he will actually manage to get some more sleep tonight, he didn’t think that'd happen.

Hey. Hey! HEY!

What the hell is his body doing? Why is he climbing into bed next to Bitty?! Why are his legs and arms doing that!? He's a fully grown man he should be able to control his body but--

Oh, wow.

It's really warm next to Bitty who's still asleep and already all of Jack's limbs feel really heavy and maybe he can just get a few solid hours of quiet contemplation in here and sneak out before Bitty wakes up...

...The sun's in his eyes and why would that happen? He has blackout curtains and he never forgets to draw them.

_Non, non zut. Merde. Merde. Merde. Tabernac._

He'd fallen asleep and he’d slept through the night. Jack glances to one side and an impossibly bad situation gets worse; Bitty’s awake and staring at him and oh-fucking-no he'd fucked it all up.

Sensing Jack's rising panic (it wasn't that hard he was like, vibrating) Bitty pushes down his own confusion so it doesn’t show on his face. He smiles softly and pats Jack’s shoulder. His voice is as low, even, and comforting as he can make it go.

"I didn't snore right?"

"Er-- non?"

"Good. Did I steal all the covers?"

"Non?"

"Great! Are you feeling ok?"

"Pas mal er-- sort of?"

"Did I help?"

"--" Jack has to pause for even longer before answering that one. Bitty doesn’t seem upset, just curious and maybe slightly bemused so finally he manages to force out a truthful, "Yeah."

"Good. Wake me up next time and I'll at least scoot over."

Understanding softens the Southern boy's smile even more and he pats Jack's shoulder again, his hand lingering just a little longer this time, only sliding away as the two move to get out of bed and start their days. 

_/ \\_

Somehow the world moves on and nothing collapses. Jack and Bitty’s friendship stays the same and they don’t even have to go through an awkward period where they can’t make eye contact. Jack appreciates that because he definitely thought it would happen on his end at least and he’s so fucking grateful that Bittle is still willing to stay friends with such a weird and needy asshole like him.

Two weeks pass and life’s ok. The fall semester of Jack’s senior year is in full swing and he unashamedly feels happy and whole in ways he used to think he didn’t deserve.

He should have known it wouldn’t last, he reflects while lying fruitlessly in bed. A bad practice followed by a bad test and Jack can't even fall asleep, let alone have a nightmare. He wonders if Bitty really meant it when he said next time. He'll just go and get a glass of water and if he happens to see Bitty's light on, well then maybe he'll stop in. If it’s not he’ll just get back in bed, no harm done and Bittle’ll never know he thought about it.

The light, of course, is on. Bitty's awake this time but Jack has to knock twice before he hears it through the music video playing on his laptop. He looks up with concerned eyes as the door opens and before Jack can say something stupid about just wanting to say hi he closes his laptop, puts it away, and scoots towards the wall to make room. Jack can feel his cheeks heat as he shuffles in and closes the door. He's a grown ass man, he shouldn't be doing this to Bittle who's only being a good friend. Bittle who, of course, senses his hesitation.

"Come on, hun."

Feeling so incredibly self aware as the bed dips under his weight, Jack tries for something like nonchalance while he gingerly shifts around, "Is that a stuffed rabbit?"

"Not another word about Señor Bunn, Mr. Zimmermann."

He falls asleep within minutes of turning the light off and makes it until sunrise without a problem.

_/ \\_

Their second night sharing a bed is really how it begins. Jack always knocks before coming in and always looks sheepish. Bitty either immediately stops whatever he's doing so he can go to sleep at the same time as Jack or else wakes up just enough to make room in the bed for his much bigger friend. At first Jack doesn’t let himself have anything more than once a week but quickly, Bitty’s bedroom becomes the only place he sleeps.

They don't really snuggle. Maybe in their sleep their bodies gravitate towards the middle of the bed and maybe one of them will throw an arm and a leg over the other but, Bitty's mattress is only a full and despite how small he may look next to Jack, they are two grown men and college athletes at that. No matter how they try and arrange themselves it’s just a lot of body mass to fit in one bed.

They still don't talk about it either. With the exception of the very first night when he’d snuck in, Jack always wakes up first by at least an hour. Most mornings he simply gets up, re-tucks Bitty into bed (rescuing Señor Bunn from the ground if necessary), and goes about his day. Sometimes, after a night where he thinks he would have had nightmares if he didn't have Bitty, he'll linger and Bitty'll wake up too and they'll say good morning and chat about their plans for the day. On those mornings Jack has to remind himself they're just friends and nothing more. Just really good friends. Just really good friends who sleep in the same bed every night.

It's a testament to how well they hide their feelings both from each other and, to an extent, from themselves that no one else in the Haus figures out what's up. Not even Shitty with his habit of wandering naked into Jack's room for snuggles when the urge strikes knows where he spends his nights now.

_/ \\_

Kent Parson comes and everything gets fucked up.

A few day’s before the epiKegster Jack gets to a point where he thinks he could maybe reach out to hug Bittle one night before they fall asleep. If that goes well he thinks he could maybe even pull him closer and wrap him up and tell him that everything's better when they’re together. And that he smells nice and he has a nice smile too.

But Parse ruins it and Jack only just manages to kick him out before crumpling against his now shut door. With the muffled sounds of a party he was enjoying a few minutes ago floating up through the floor Jack shakes apart, alone in his room.

Bitty probably heard what Parse said about him. No, he has to be honest with himself. The look on Eric’s face when the door opened and they’d found him outside told Jack he'd heard and while he forces himself to accept that knowledge Kent's words ring through his head over and over and there's no way in hell Bittle'll stick around now that he knows how much of a fuck up Jack is really.

_Mon dieu_ , he really wishes he could hug Bits to him tonight but that’s out of the question. He can never pull Bitty in and hold him close. He has to be alone. He'll always end up alone and he needs to accept that and move on. Still clothed Jack crawls into his bed and wraps his blanket tightly around him. It smells stale from disuse but he squeezes his eyes shut and pretends Eric’s hugging him from behind.

This is going to fuck up the rest of his week and that would suck enough normally but it’s going to feel worse because he's leaving in the morning for break. His parents will know the moment they see him that something's wrong and they'll want to talk about it. Jack doesn’t like talking about his feelings at all and he likes talking about Parson even less. Bob and Alicia know this and they’ll drag him to his old therapist's office and god, he does **not** want to explain to his therapist in front of his maman he's upset because the boy he used to like crashed a party and now the boy he likes now will never like him back. As exhaustion weighs his eyelids down he braces himself for a shit night of sleep.

In the morning he finds he's actually had an ok night. Surprised, he unfurls from his cocoon and stretches only to watch as a slightly ratty stuffed bunny falls onto the floor. Tenderly he picks Señor Bunn up and looks behind him but the bed's empty and the sheets are cold. His pillow seems to have an extra dent in it but he can't be sure. He brings the animal up to his face and shamelessly inhales. _Mon petit lapin_ , he whispers. He gives himself another big breath before getting up to shower and go.

Reaching for a hat after landing in Canada, Jack discovers Bittle also managed to sneak cookies into his bag. Cornily he wonders as he stares at them if this is how Eric managed to sneak his way into Jack's heart too?

Passing the bag to his parents on the ride home from the airport the Zimmermann’s share the cookies and catch up like a normal family. Jack revels in how easily he can find words now. They talk about hockey some of course, but most of the trip passes while he spins stories about the Haus and all his friends. In the midst of a particularly wild tale Bob and Alicia share a look, this boy who laughs and waves his arms and hasn’t stopped smiling since he gave them both hugs at baggage claim is someone they’d both worried they’d lost forever.

_/ \\_

Spring semester starts and Jack decides it's best to pretend like nothing happened but Bittle, Eric Richard Bittle, doesn’t let things go. He approaches Jack at their first outdoor skate and Jack, of course, doesn't handle it right. At least, he supposes, he didn't yell at Bits. He hasn’t done that in nearly a year now.

That night he thinks about staying in his own bed, but then he thinks about his plan to pretend nothing happened. If nothing had happened he wouldn’t have even considered staying in his room so at 9:55 Jack does his best to prepare himself for rejection and crosses the hall. He knocks before coming in and Bitty’s smile is just as soft and sweet as it was last month. He closes the door behind him just like last semester and as he gets into bed it feels like nothing bad has ever happened.

_/ \\_

Jack’s shocked at how quickly his final semester passes.

He takes a photography class which is great. He gets out and wanders campus, noticing all sorts of details he didn’t take time to look at before. Sometimes Shitty, Lardo, or Bitty will wander with him but mostly he goes alone. People don't recognize him with a camera hiding his face and that's great too. Also, great is sharing the photos with Bitty who always leans in close and gushes over them.

Less great is Ransom and Holster's continuing quest to get Bitty a boyfriend.

He could be Bitty's boyfriend except, no, he couldn't because he's going into the NHL and he can’t be Jack Zimmermann, former boy wonder turned addict **and** Jack Zimmermann, first openly gay hockey player. He’s not strong enough. So he can’t date Eric because Bitty hid a lot of himself before coming to Samwell and he's only just started not hiding anymore. Even if he were interested in Jack (Jack’s sure he’s not, they’re just good friends), Jack would never ask him to hide again. It’d make him unhappy and Jack wants nothing more than Bitty’s happiness. God, he wants Bitty to be happy so much that sometimes it hurts his chest like his rib cage's shirking and compressing his heart and lungs.

Bitty doesn't seem interested in getting a boyfriend though. In fact, his antics to avoid getting set up become more and more ridiculous. Is he really hiding under the kitchen table right now?

"Hey, do you want to look at some photos while you're down there?"

Jack passes him his camera before grabbing a slice of pie from the counter.

_/ \\_

He graduates tomorrow. His parents are here, they've had a nice dinner together and said their goodnights. Tomorrow morning when he wakes up he'll put on a suit and a tie and a (different) funny hat, and he'll walk across a stage and get a college degree. And then he'll move to Providence and be a professional hockey player and never share a bed with Bitty again. He stomach churns at the thought. He refuses dessert.

“Allons," cajoles his father with a grin, "Si jamais il y avait un temps pour célébrer...!"

That night, crawling into bed (Bits's bed, of course. He definitely doesn't think of it as their bed. No, definitely not.) he thinks about hugging Bitty to him and brushing kisses into his hair for the first time since the epiKegster and Kent. He doesn't but it's ok. Bitty gets into bed right after him with a smile and whispers good night as Jack turns out the light. They're both still pretending and tonight they're pretending extra and extra hard; they're pretending it's not the last time this'll happen, they're pretending it’s ok that it is.

_/ \\_

It’s graduation day and Alicia and Bob get up extra early and head over to the Haus to wake up Jack. They want some alone time with him before Georgia arrives and festivities begin. Plus, he’d seemed a little off towards the end of dinner last night and they want to make sure he's really happy, that it's just the normal end of college and life changes sort of sadness. Nothing more.

It's quiet as they walk in ( _These boys need to learn to lock a door_ , thinks Alicia) so without speaking the couple moves upstairs to Jack's room. It's early and if Shitty or any of his other friends had convinced him to stay up last night he might still be asleep so they push his bedroom door open and peer in. The bed's empty, sheets and duvet pulled tightly across it’s length. Alicia moves in and with a parent’s intuition lays a hand on the covers, they're cold. Bob moves to the bathroom and peers in; it's empty too. They both warily open Shitty's door (they love Shitty but honestly, they know enough to worry about what they might see) and peek in, he's alone in bed and sound asleep.

Backing out and closing his door they sit on Jack’s bed.

"Où est-il?"

"Je suis sûr qu'il va bien."

"Je n'ai pas dit qu'il na pas été!"

"Shhhh."

“Désolé"

They’re at a loss for what to do next when a faint snuffle startles them both. Bob looks to Shitty's room but Alicia is already up and crossing the hall. She knows that sound but she hasn't heard it in years. It's the sort of half-snore Jack does when he's truly, peacefully asleep.

Bitty's door creaks just a little as she pushes it open and she freezes. Bob, still halfway between the rooms freezes too- just in case. But after a minute when nothing happens she pushes in all the way only to back out again with wide eyes. Worried, Bob steps around her to peer in.

Jack and Bitty’s bodies have tangled together in bed, their shirts rucked up and sheets pushed down around their ankles. The ears of a stuffed bunny poke out from where it sits wedged between their chests. Above them the ceiling fan is struggling to circulate air and the weak breeze it generates pushes Bitty's hair into Jack's face. As he exhales the larger man snuffles again in an effort to push it away.

Alicia steps back in, wraps her hands around her husband's waist, and pushes her face into his shoulder blade. But while she’s beaming with happiness he looks down at her with concern.

Around the eighth Bitty story over winter break they'd asked Jack point blank if he and Eric were seeing each other. As he stuttered out denials-- _Non! Non! Il n'y a rien qui se passe! Nous ne sommes pas! Jamais! Il ne ferait jamais ça--_ they’d done their best to make it clear they supported him. As his words faded they’d reassured him it was ok no matter what it was and suggested he might want to consider it. A relationship with Eric wouldn't necessarily be easy but they thought it would be worth it.

Now, soundlessly, they back first out of the room and then the Haus. On its front lawn next to a magnificently disgusting green sofa they form a backup plan- go to Annie’s and text Jack to meet them there whenever he’s ready. They decide not mention what they'd seen but Alicia’s still grinning and her hope is starting to seep into Bob’s chest as well.

_/ \\_

 

It turns out without Alicia next to him Bob can’t resist just one comment though. After the ceremony and with his wife distracted an opportunity presents itself and he doesn’t let the moment pass.

“I feel like...I haven’t really said goodbye to everyone.”

“Tu devrais y aller. Aller vraiment dire au revoir.”

He belly laughs as his son pelts across the grass, drawing stares and double takes and not caring even a little.

_/ \\_

“BITTLE!”

Bitty wasn't in his room.

_Tabernac._

Where was--Jack turns and Bitty (or his back at least) is now in front of him, folding Chowder's clothes and-- crying? Jack can’t breath, he'd made Bitty cry. After all his talk about only wanting to make Bitty happy he'd fucked it up anyway. Just like he fucked up everything. Why was Bitty crying? What had he done?

"Bittle."

Eric turns and he’s stuttering out something about texting but Jack can’t hear over the blood pulsing in his ears.

“Bitty.”

He leans in and kisses Eric and it's exactly what he should have done weeks, no months ago. For unknown reasons Bitty's even kissing him back and one of his hands rests on Jack's chest. It's warm and comforting and he settles into the feeling of wanting to kiss Bits forever.

But he needs to breathe. It's not the first time he's hated breathing but it is the first time he's hated it for a good reason. He pulls away, brushes a thumb along Bits's cheekbone, and leans in again. This time Bitty's ready and he pushes up to meet Jack part way.

Jack's phone interrupts them and he's got to go, he's really got to go.

"I gotta go but I'll text you, okay?" he promises.

"Okay," says Bitty looking shocked.

He says it again, he wants, he needs Bitty to understand how serious he is, "I'll text you."

Maybe last night wasn't the last time he’d ever share a bed with Bitty. Maybe next time they could share a bed and not have to pretend.

[SMS to Bitty] You make it all better. I want to see you again soon. I want to be honest with you.


End file.
